


To care

by nyctea62442 (pandacchi)



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Gen, Jin-centric, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-17
Updated: 2009-12-17
Packaged: 2017-10-24 09:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/261637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandacchi/pseuds/nyctea62442
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What makes Jin Akanishi himself, he thinks, is definitely the people around him. He discovers that in each and every little gesture he cherishes. As long as people important to him understand, he doesn't need anything more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To care

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [pixisticks](http://pixisticks.livejournal.com/) at [je_holiday](http://je-holiday.livejournal.com/) 2009.

"Rise and shine, my beloved son!"

Jin suddenly wakes up to a bright light in his eyes and a voice entirely too loud and too near. He feels like he's fourteen all over again, with his mother waking him and Reio up on Sunday mornings, when they both have the chance to sleep in. He opens his eyes as wide as sleepiness lets them and groans at the sight.

His mother is indeed waking him up, on what would be a Wednesday like any other, except this is his first day off in ages.

"What are you doing here?" He mutters in the general direction of his closet, where he knows his mother is neatly folding the laundry.

"That's not a way to greet your dear mother, Jin. I'm here to do you a favor, you know."

He turns his back on her, trying to regain his well-deserved sleep. "Yeah yeah, good morning mom, thanks for the laundry, I'm going back to sleep, it was nice to see you though, good night."

He hears the angered rustle of clothes and he just knows it's coming.

"Akanishi Jin. Get your lazy fat ass out of the bed and start doing something other than sleep in your miserable life." She sounds serious like always, and caring like Jin hasn't heard her in a while.  
"I love you too, Mom." he says fondly, hiding his grin into his pillow. He did not expect the "fat ass", though. He turns again to narrow his eyes at her through his messy bangs.

"Have you been spending time with Ryo again, Mom?"

"He's been over a few times recently." Jin groans again. Great, just great.

He rises and his mother stops and stares at him as he's trying to tame his tangled hair. "What."

She blinks but says nothing, and she simply moves away from the bedroom in favour of the kitchen.

Jin waits as long as a deep breath and smirks, but just as he's about to plop down on the bed again, his mother's voice comes from outside.

"Don't even think about it, fat ass. Breakfast is ready."

And that's when he hasn't any option left but to get up and rush to the kitchen, before his mother decides that what he likes to call his personal order in the kitchen is in fact nothing but a mess and positively kill him.

When he drags his feet to the kitchen and uncoordinatedly sits down at the table, she silently puts a plate of eggs, ham and toast down in front of him and, still without saying as much as a word, busies herself with the coffee machine.

During the whole time he's munching on his toast, he feels her stare on him. Being stared at is nothing he isn't used to, but when it comes from your own mother there's just something that feels entirely wrong about it.

"What?" he turns to her, slightly irked. Her attention is making him rather uncomfortable, and he doesn't like being uncomfortable around his mother. "You've been staring since before."

She suddenly sits in front of him, a serious frown on her face.

"Jin, can I ask you something?"

Jin cringes; it's not a good question when it comes from a parent, especially a parent like this one.

"It depends. Does it involve something that will make me feel extremely embarassed and prone to sing out loud, cover my ears, run for the sake of my sanity and pretend I didn't hear anything?"

Her serious tone doesn't change. "Your sanity was lost long ago, son. And no, by the way."

"Then you can."

"Are you happy?", she blurts out.

Jin chokes on his own spit. "What?"

She rolls her eyes and repeats the question more slowly and, if possible, even more pointedly. The first thing that comes out of Jin's mouth is not an answer, but a soft and curious, "Why are you asking?".

"Does it matter?"

Jin absent-mindedly shakes his head and _thinks_ about it. Actually, it comes as a shock that he _needs_ to think about it. Before he can elaborate an answer, his mother's voice interrupts his train of thought.

"I don't want an half-hearted response, mind you. Does the person you love make you happy? Does your work gratify you? Is-"

Jin stops her by shaking his head again, quietly laughing under his breath. "Those kind of things don't matter much in the grand scheme of things, do they." and he knows that is what she was getting at when he catches her eye. "I mean, I'm mature enough to value the things I have. What you are asking is if I'm satisfied with my whole life as it is now, aren't you?"

She exhales deeply and her shoulders lose a bit of the tension they were hunched under. "I'm glad you're seriously considering your answer."

"I am." he says abruptly, before he can think better of it. "Happy, I mean."

She blinks, looks sort of bewildered for a moment, uncertain of his answer like she doesn't know what the question was in the first place; he doesn't seem a lot better with his words, it's not a conversation he ever expected to have with his mother at ten o'clock on a Wednesday morning.

"I'm happy." He repeats, more convinced this time, without tripping on his tongue. There is no uncertainty on his face, and she averts her gaze from him.

She can hear the unspoken question he doesn't know how to ask, but the truth is she has no idea herself what came over her; she just looked at her son and thought that it's time to ask. And now that he's answered, she doesn't know how to feel or what to say. _Not very good with words, Akanishis_ , her mother jokes sometimes when Jin stumbles on his explanations or her husband gets flustered and trails off; Hiromi has been an Akanishi long enough for them to have rubbed off on her, and it shows in moments like this. So, she looks away and around, concentrating on the kitchen surrounding them, trying to blink away the haziness in her eyes.

"Your kitchen is a mess, son."

Jin laughs openly, delighted.

\---

Kame enters the apartment quietly. While he's taking his shoes off, he hears the guitar coming from Jin's living room. There's a warmth spreading in his chest that has nothing to do with the season, and he smiles.

He approaches the open door and takes in the familiar sight of Jin sitting on his white couch, guitar resting in his lap, papers and papers messily scattered on the small table in front of him and laptop conveniently switched on beside them.

Jin's so absorbed in what he's doing that he doesn't notice Kame's presence, and Kame's not about to make himself known. If there's something he loves, it's to watch Jin compose music like this.

Kame observes him closing his eyes, letting his fingers dance over the strings, stopping once in a while to stroke one of them, almost like he's coaxing it to give him what he wants. His lips move, soundlessly, mouth full of the words that are creating this particular world. Kame watches him as his eyebrows turn into a frown and his hands leave the guitar to search through the papers, his eyes speeding fast through chords and lyrics, and Kame can almost see them reflecting in his eyes, while his lips are repeating the new ones like a mantra, not to let them slip away.

Kame loves to see him like this, because it's the only moment he can see Jin, just as he is. He's tried to understand this feeling of his, tried to place exactly what he finds special in the action, and the only answer he's found, is the simplest one, if the cheesiest.

This is Jin's Jin.

Not Everyone's Jin, that he sees next to him at work.

Not His Friends' Jin, that he hears when they speak on the phone.

Not even His Jin, that he feels in bed breathing against his skin.

It's just Jin, in his most true and real self.

He's so beautiful as he licks his lips lightly while he's roughly tuning the strings up, that Kame feels almost overwhelmed by it. These moments are so sacred in Kame's heart that he would never dare to enter the picture in any way, scared he would somehow ruin it.

He could write songs for Jin, about Jin, but never _with_ Jin.

That's partly the reason why they've never written anything together before, the other one being they wouldn't last one hour without starting a stupid fight.

From Jin's slant of lips, he can tell it's not going as he wants it, and the way Jin puts aside his guitar and stretches his arms proves his point. In that moment, Jin notices him.

"Oh, Kame, you were here."

"Sorry."

Jin shakes his head, biting back a yawn.

Kame takes the chance to slip out of his awe and step into the living room, throwing his bag onto the armchair. He glances at the papers, still spread on the table.

"New song?"

"We got the permission from the Jimusho. I'm going to be featured in Kuri-chan's album and her producer has asked for a new song...don't really have the feeling of it yet, but it's too early to give up, isn't it? We still need to talk it through."

"I'm happy for you two, finally. I guess this means I will be seeing more of her in the next few weeks?"

"Uhm, yes, she's going to come over. You know how she is. But I'll let you know before, don't worry..."

"No problem at all, it's been a while since last time I saw her. Besides, my English improved a lot last time, what with all my exposure to your conversations...it's going to be in English right? Just like WONDER?"

"That's the idea, yes."

"Good. I could use some practice."

Kame flops down on the couch, next to Jin, who's loudly stretching his limbs. Jin glances at Kame in the corner of his eyes, noticing the stiffness of his shoulders.

"You could also use a massage, you know."

Kame smiles with his eyes closed, hearing Jin's concerned tone.

"You offering?"

"No. Just advising."

Jin rests his nape on the head of the couch, letting it slide a bit towards Kame's shoulder. His long hair is tickling Kame's bare arm, but he makes no move to change positions.

After a few minutes of silence, Kame puts gently his hand on Jin's leg, massaging soothingly his tigh. The other lets out a slow and content sigh.

"Don't get too comfortable," Kame whispers. "I have to go back to my apartment soon."

Jin groans something resembling a 'why?' and snuggles closer.

Kame pinches him slightly through the fabric of his jeans. "Because I promised the guys in A.B.C. a dinner at my place, I told you this morning on the phone."

"Forgot." Jin lifts his head up and watches Kame. "I thought you guys had a rehearsal just now? You could have all gone straight to your place, wouldn't that be more practical?"

Kame opens his eyes, looking almost offended. "Well, if we did that, I wouldn't have been able to come he-"

He stops embarassed, and Jin bites his cheek trying to contain the huge sappy grin threatening to spread on his face. He knows Kame makes a lot of allowances for Jin, but he doesn't usually like to acknowledge it openly. It's always been kind of a rush for Jin to know that Kame does this as much for Jin as he does it for himself, that he makes time to be with Jin to _be himself_.

Jin touches his shoulder lightly with his knuckles, letting his hand slide down the length of Kame's arm. He smiles reassuringly.

\---

"I hate you when you do that." Jin gives Reio a heated glare.

On the other side of the table, his brother is smirking.

"Come on, Aniki, eat your delicious lunch!" He laughs and then proceeds to take a huge bite on his super-sized Big Mac.

"Is this some kind of sick revenge of yours? Because if you have problems at dealing with repressed anger, there had to be better ways of getting to your dear brother, you know. You could do a million different things to me. But this. This is just _cruel_."

"No particular revenge, no." He pushes towards Jin his daily cup of white rice. "I just enjoy seeing you desperate."

Jin sighs loudly, but he reluctantly seizes his chopsticks and starts to dig in the rice, savouring each grain like it's his only source of energy. He adopted this technique during the first week of dieting, after he realized he wasn't ever going to feel satisfied by gulping it all down in one go.

"I want this to be over." Jin mourns around the chopsticks.

Reio pats his shoulder, understandingly. "Just keep repeating yourself this is for a greater cause!"

Jin grunts. "I know! But this is a bit too much. My fans like my chubbiness anyway, they think it's sexy!"

"I wasn't talking about your fangirls, I was talking about Ryo."

Jin entertains the idea of Ryo actually stopping calling him "Fat Jin", and considers in passing the tempting thought of out-sexying Pi. "Yeah. Greater cause, indeed."

Reio smiles and turns back his attention to the Big Mac, to Jin's disgust. "Remind me why I ever agreed to have lunch with you."

"Because I'm your dear little brother and you love me!"

Jin rolls his eyes. "You need to start living by yourself, Reio. You're starting to sound like Mom."

Reio licks his ketchup-stained fingers, ignoring completely the comment. "You're having lunch with me, because you want to know how yesterday night I got into Sakura-chan's pants, succeeding where you've always failed."

"It's not like I _ever_ tried!"

"You tell yourself that." Reio shrugs him off. "Oh and Taka-san says hi. He asked why he hasn't seen you around recently..."

Jin snorts. "Tell him to redirect the question to my manager."

Suddenly, Reio's phone rings in his jeans, startling both of them. As he looks at the screen, he glances up at his brother with a smirk. "It's Sakura-chan." He hums, delighted.

"Oh stop it, you. You're pathetic!"

"Love you too, Aniki!" He calls back from the door, just before answering the call.

Jin sighs, picking up his dishes and the McDonald's packages. He throws the rubbish and starts to wash the cup, while he hears his brother picking up his things in the living room, still laughing on the phone. When he's drying the empty dish up, Reio peeks from the door, ready to leave; he smiles brightly at his brother, mouthing a 'see you' while waving him goodbye.

Jin smiles back and Reio is gone.

Later in the afternoon, when the hotness is just too unbearable, and he comes back to the fridge to help himself to a glass of cold water, he finds there, in the middle of the first shelf, an inviting McFlurry. There's a post-it sticked to it.

"It was never like you to follow the rules!"

Jin takes it out, laughing. It's with Smarties, his favourite one.

\---

Jin feels a bit miserable this morning.

He thought that after the tour, they could get at least one week off, but no, of course not; after three days (when he hasn't even been able to get proper sleep), they have to get back to work.

It's only ten in the morning, and he's already attended a meeting and skipped two chances of having breakfast.

He drops his bags messily on the floor; he knows he's forgotten all his make-up utensils, so he doesn't even bother to look into them. He sits in his chair in front of the mirror, as someone should arrive soon for his hair-setting. Just as he recalls that some other member is supposed to attend this photoshoot, the door opens to reveal a frowning Ueda.

Jin nods at him in the mirror and Ueda, despite his tired look, responds with a smile.

While he's placing his things on the desk, Jin chuckles.

"Just when I thought I'd be able not to see you guys for a while..."

Ueda laughs a bit. "Yeah, I'm kind of sick of seeing your face first thing in the morning, Akanishi."

"At least you get to see a handsome face! The first person _I_ saw this morning was Kuwabata-san!"

The other bursts in laughter.

In that moment two hairdressers knock on the door and they both switch to their professional looks.

As they have their hair done, Ueda watches Akanishi in the mirror, noticing how he sometimes fidgets in his seat, not giving much contribuition to the casual chit-chatting of the woman behind him.

When Ueda glances again, he's playing absent-mindedly with the hem of his shirt.

A good hour later, Jin is waiting in the dressing room for Ueda to finish his shooting, so they can move on to the interview. He's almost about to doze off, when something is dropped onto his lap, startling him.

Ueda is standing behind him, and when Jin glances down, he notices the huge energizer snack dropped on his legs. He picks it up, and before he can even turn to Ueda, the other answers his question.

"You're hungry, aren't you."

Jin blinks and nods. He's surprised, doesn't know how Ueda guessed but he's not about to turn down free snacks.

Exactly when Jin is unwrapping it, Nakamaru bursts into the room.

There's a moment of startled silence, while the newly arrived takes in the scene in front of him. He blinks when he notices Jin's hands.

"Aren't you supposed to be on a diet?"

Jin is taken aback, because he has actually almost forgotten about it. Lack of breakfast could do that to you. He glances up at Ueda, and Nakamaru shifts his attention to him too.

"It's a low-fat one." he defends himself, nodding at the snack in his bandmate's hands. They both keep on staring at him. "What? I'm a _boxer_ , you know."

And Nakamaru is satisfied with that, bacause he _has_ watched One Pound Gospel, after all. Jin, on the other hand, hasn't, but he's satisfied all the same as he opens his snack.

He silently thanks Ueda with a meaningful nod.

\---

Crystal doesn't even bother knocking and enters the apartment quietly. Jin always leaves his door open to anyone; if they could pass past the security system at the entrance of the building and the guard at his floor, it meant he knew them more than well, so why bother.

She doesn't call for him but she doesn't restrain herself from making some noise. Crystal knows how tired he must be, but she's here for business after all. And, really, it's not like she can help it, since her hands are too occupied with her huge bag and a fresh Chocolate Frappucino.

She enters the living room, expecting to find him sprawled on his sofa, and when she doesn't, she leaves in favour of the kitchen.

Jin is there, sitting at the table, sleeping with his head resting on his folded arms.

She chuckles and quietly sits down on the chair next to him. She puts down the Frappucino on the table and she props her chin up with her hands; she watches him sleep. He looks more tired than he sounded on the phone, his forehead not relaxed at all. He's breathing heavily, meaning he still hasn't fully recovered from the cold he caught last week.

Crystal considers. There has been a time where this man meant the world to her.

Even now, she's still not sure if she had been in love with him, she knows she had feelings of some sort but she never really stopped to analyze them, too busy enjoying Jin's company and the music they made together. She's quite certain Jin never knew a thing about it, anyway; she would have known if he ever had an inkling, because Jin is one of the most honest and open people Crystal's ever met, and sometimes she wonders how on Earth he manages to survive in a business like theirs.

Some things, though, Jin keeps very close to his heart; there are secrets and sides of him that few people get to see. He's not that good at it, because once you know, it's all written all over his face. Crystal remembers very well how, after Jin had entrusted her with a few more pieces of his heart, some things about him suddenly gained new light; the way his face scrunches up when he talks and people look at him, the way his eyes immediately focus on Kame whenever he enters a room, all these things that Jin can't really help, but is very good at diverting attention from.

It was a revelation, when he told her, and it shed a new light on her own feelings, making them grow as well as change. Right now, she feels as though she's gained one older brother more, even though he's an annoyingly childish one.

"Jin..." She calls softly, but the man doesn't even flinch. "Wake up." She speaks in English. It's always been English between them, it just comes natural like that.

She nugdes him on one arm and this time it gets a response. "Wake up Jin!"

Jin opens lazily his eyes, inhaling a long breath. He registers the familiar presence near him, but he needs to look around twice to finally register where he is and who's woken him up.

"Hey." He smiles at her, pleased to see her there.

"Good morning, it was about time!" She doesn't even try to contain the mirth and fondness of her laugh.

He stretches his arms, extending them on the table, while yawning loudly.

"Do you have anything for me?" He says as he rubs his eyes to look at her properly. She grins, pushing in his direction the Frappucino, which Jin takes and starts wordlessly sip; she bends down to rummage through her huge bag; she then extracts triumphantly a CD.

"Of course I do..."

They share a complicit smirk and they both rush to the CD player in Jin's living room.

Their song needs final polishing.

\---

It's 3 in the morning when Jin steps into the club. Reio had been quite convincing and managed to drag him out. He hadn't really planned to go out, so his attire is the simple one he uses at home, well-worn jeans, white t-shirt and black rimmed glasses, just to be on the safe side.

Jin enters and greets people; he smiles genuinely at Ken, the barman, calls out for Jeff through the opening to the kitchen, exchanges a friendly hug with Seiji at the entrance of the VIP area, waves at Reio's friends and finally gets to his table. There, he meets Sylvia, Josh's new girlfriend; she seems nice, friendly but not too talkative, and Jin likes her.

He feels at home here. His friends and his favourite music surrounding him, making him relaxed and confortable; in moments like these he feels like he's truly smiling from the bottom of his heart.

His phone beeps and he extracts it from his trousers. It's a mail from Jun, apparently he's caught influenza too. Jin replies a simple 'take care', earning himself a cryface emoji in return.

The place is really crowded, for a Monday night (or early Tuesday morning, depending on how you look at it). He keeps to his table, talking to his friends, not bothering to give himself to the dancefloor, since he wouldn't even be able to move.

Suddenly he receives a call and he rolls his eyes; Jun and his antics, seriously, he's such a drama queen sometimes. But Jin kinda loves him anyway and maybe he does feel a little sorry for him, because if there's anyone who understands the helplessness of feeling sick, it's Jin and his incredible track record with colds. But when he looks at the phone to answer, the name on the screen is Ryo's.

"Hello?" He answers immediately, concerned for his other quarantined friend, and maybe he's fretting a little, but Ryo definitely doesn't need to know that.

The answering "Hey" is almost indistinguishable, as Jin realizes that he won't be able to catch anything if he stays there; so he makes a rush to the nearest door, which happens to be a small staff room. When he closes the metal door behind him, the sound of the speakers comes muffled.

"Ryo, sorry, I had to move away. What's up?"

"Nothing's up, I'm in quarantine, remember?"

"I know. How are you?"

"Bored."

"I suppose."

"Not as much as Pi, at least." Ryo sounds exasperated.

"What is he up to?"

"You mean, he's not sending you weird annoying mails?"

"No...?"

"I'm going to chop his head off next time I see him."

Jin laughs, glad to hear that Ryo is still in his spirits. When his friend grumbles on the other side of the line, Jin settles back into his concern. "Ryo, did you just call because you're bored out of your mind or do you need something? I can swing by your place and leave stuff out of your door, if you need anything."

Ryo doesn't answer immediately, and Jin can't tell if he's thinking about it or just avoiding the question.

"Jun has got it too now..."

"Ah yeah, he mailed me just a few minutes ago. That makes four of you now, poor bastards."

"About that...have you...uhm."

"Mmh, what?"

"You know...how-how have you been lately?"

Jin blinks bewildered, not much for the question per se, but more for the unsteady tone Ryo's using. He's not usually very talkative, not even on the phone, so Jin doesn't know if he should be concerned about the flow of words Ryo is blurting to cover up Jin's silence.

"You know, because Takizawa-kun was really worried about you and he kept nagging me, asking me if I knew how you were, and things like that. He was so insisting that I-"

And Jin suddenly gets it. Because Ryo gives him grief most of the time and they really are a pain in each other's asses, but he's one of Jin's best friends and he _cares_. Ryo's so good at the grumpy old man act, that Jin sometimes forgets just how much Ryo cares.

"I'm fine, Ryo." Jin grins widely. "Just fine."

"Oh." is Ryo's intelligent reply.

"You can tell Takki that, next time you see him!"

"Right. Will do."

\---

Jin is in their dressing room, listening to his iPod at the highest volume, his earphones blaring out the noise. The others are all there, each minding their own business. It's not like they have much to talk about anyway; they'd seen no one but each other for more than a month, and only a week of pause isn't enough to make them willing to share more than greetings. That is just how KAT-TUN works.

Jin jumps in his seat when, suddenly, the screen of a phone is shoved in his face.

"What the-" He stops his music as he recognize first the hand holding the phone, then the phone itself: there's only one in KAT-TUN who possess the iPhone Jin adores so much.

He raises his eyebrows at Koki. "Since when are you surrending your precious little toy to me willingly?"

Koki snorts. "I'm not giving it to you. I noticed how much you messed up my records on _Touch the Numbers_." He drops it in Jin's lap, then. "Just read the message. And could you please give your flirts your own number, instead of using me as a messenger?!"

Jin can almost feel Kame narrowing his eyes at his back. "I'm not flirting with anybody! And I certainly wouldn't dare using you as a-" Jin glances at the screen, reading Charlotte's name in the 'From:' line. "Oh."

"I won't ask how on Earth you got in touch with Charlotte, Akanishi, but I'd certainly like you to stop stalking my friends just because they're foreigners."

"I didn't stalk her! I was just talking about my English essays, and she offered!"

"Whatever. You and your essays..." Koki shrugs him off and leaves him with the mail.

Jin reads it: the subject is in Japanese, "For Akanishi-kun", the mail itself is all in English.

"You asked for help and here I am. Your assignment for this week's essay will be 'care'! _(heart)_ You better write a lot! _(wink)_ Say hi to Koki for me! _(peace)(runs off)_ "

Jin stares at the screen, blinking. "Care?" He whispers out loud. That girl sure is a teasing one, giving him his own song as an assignment; what the hell is he supposed to write about?

He gets up to give back the phone to his owner, and his attention focuses again on the room at large, just in time to hear Taguchi crack a stupid pun on something Nakamaru has said, to linger in Kame's laughter, and to grin at Koki's head dropping in resignation.

Jin seriously thinks about it. He finds himself looking back at the past week. _Oh..._

Maybe it won't be so difficult to write this essay, after all.


End file.
